saying goodbye to someone

it's been almost a month since i've posted on here, i'm off by one day. i have kind of neglected doing any work on changes (my trans allegory superhero script if you have forgotten) but that's a whole other can of worms that maybe i'll touch on in a later post cause i need to work through that shit as well. this post is not about that, it is about me finding out that one of the most important people in my life is moving to florida in just a couple months.

done with school!! it's weird.

 i am done with my junior year of high school! writing that is weird and i can tell i'll probably go back and find this in several years and get all weird and nostalgic about the person i am right now. future frankie if you're reading this i love you so much and i bet you're so cool and sexy and hopefully acting and singing and shit and being creative. but now i'm going to talk about my junior year. which is done.

taking people's advice (i'm bad at it)

 you heard it right there in the title folks! i am very stubborn and have a hard time changing even when people i love and trust give me creative advice (this is about my script).

dnd and projecting and being trans

 when i really like something it becomes the thing that i think about all the time that kind of puts a defibrillator to my brain and sends 10,000 volts through all my neurons and makes me very very happy. this can be something i'm excited for or just something i really really like i.e. zelda or music theory. as i've figured out that i'm probably autistic i realize that those things are my special interests so i can just think about them all the time and never get bored of them BUT there are other things that come and go that give my brain similar excitement and right now one of them is dnd, specifically my dnd character.

script sneakpeek cause i wanna talk about it

it's cause jack was happy and enjoying his powers in the woods with peter which represents gender euphoria and when you experience gender euphoria for the first time you don't realize that the rest of your life can be that feeling all the time because you've lived so long without it. i used the woods because i spent a good amount of time processing Gender Thoughts my freshman year while taking walks in the woods with hayden and also because the woods have helped me experience gender euphoria just by like being a boy with hayden those first couple weeks after realizing i was a trans dude and also trekking through the woods makes me feel very masculine. anyways the woods = happiness, euphoria, sanctuary, love, home. i hope all of your lives can be like your own woods experiences.

had a little idea today

i had an idea today for something funny i could maybe write so i'm putting here so i don't forget about it

MAKING A MOVIE!!! BITCH!!!

 i'm two drafts into a script that i have had bouncing around in my head since freshman year and holy SHIT does it feel good!!! i realized recently that now when i feel unmotivated and shitty and like there's nothing to look forward to i just think about my script and the prospect of filming it this summer and i am so happy.

link is trans!! no ifs ands or buts.

 here it is, the post you've all been waiting for. you read the twitter thread but are you ready for the multi-paragraph analysis blog post? fuck yes you are. this is why link breathofthewild is a trans man.

my journey to become the character i played when i was 14

 this is a weird post so bear with me.

when i was in eighth grade i was in james and the giant peach and i played my first ever lead. i was the magic man, who had a name in the musical, ladahlord, which is an anagram for roald dahl which i think is very cool. if you're not familiar with the plot of james and the giant peach the magic man is the catalyst for all of the events in the story--he gives james a potion that james is supposed to drink, but he spills it on the peach tree and it makes the peach and all the insects get really big. i've always wondered what the hell would have happened if james had drank it, but that's a question for another day.

dysphoria. bad.

 i'm currently sitting in apush readjusting the worn-out binder i'm wearing every thirty seconds so it puts the right amount of pressure on my chest, both so i can be sure that my chest is flat and because i've worn a binder for over two years now and being out in public without constant pressure around my chest feels very wrong. i'm wearing a t-shirt with a heavy flannel buttoned up most of the way over it and there's still a pit in my stomach because i'm so afraid everyone can tell something is wrong.

my friends are important

 i am coming down from a high rn and i cannot stop thinking about how much i fucking love my friends i really wish i could live with them but that is not the case they all have families that love and value and support them. but they ARE my family they're who i get the love i need to fucking live from, not my parents that don't value things about me that i care about.

i think it's stupid that i'm even writing this and posting this but i don't know why i think that way. probably the only people that will see this are hayden ellie lydia and maybe grace but they havent joined the blog train yet but you are all my friends and i love you. i just want to put it SOMEWHERE where it has the potential to be read by others. if some strange internet traveler that doesnt know me reads this, i hope they can think about how much some kid somewhere loves his friends.

it is cliche as fuck but true if i say words can't sum up how big my love is ok. i need to fucking invent a new method of communication to say how much love i have because this is like the fourth place that ive written something about my love and it STILL feels like it's exploding out of me with no outlet. i'm glad i'm putting it here though in this tiny corner of the extremely public internet. i love you guys sooooooo fucking much you will never begin to grasp how much my god.