you heard it right there in the title folks! i am very stubborn and have a hard time changing even when people i love and trust give me creative advice (this is about my script).
first off i know that i don't have to take anyone's advice on my own creative projects that is what EVERYONE prefaces their own advice with. but! not only is this the first screenplay i've ever written it's also the farthest i've ever seen a creative project through i'm pretty sure. so at this point i need it to be as perfect as possible. which is a bad mindset to have but it's what i've lived my whole life thinking thanks to my amazing wonderful parents that make me feel like i've failed if i'm anything less than perfect at something.
i know that my script isn't anything special and i'll probably read it next year and be like jesus this is so fucking cringey. as of right now i am making my movie for myself and no one else but i still feel pressure to please other people with it. i would feel embarrassed and stupid if i didn't take advice that my friends who know more about film than i do are giving to me. and i know that taking the advice would make my writing better but it's WORK and it's A LOT OF WORK. i am so fucking sick of work right now i feel like i've been in junior year for a fucking decade now.
i feel like i might be running into the same issue with this script that i ran into with a concept for an album i had last april - the album was about my transition "journey" (i put it in quotes cause i hate when people call it a journey but i can't think of a better word for it) and i had fleshed it out very much but when i went to actually make the songs i couldn't make any of them without getting so insanely frustrated with myself because none of them were good enough. the problem was i had never done a big project like that before and i had chosen something very important to me and because i was inexperienced i wasn't satisfied with the outcome so i never finished it. i really don't want that to happen with my movie.
like i said before i am such a perfectionist and it's always been an issue creatively. hayden knows how hard on my own work i am and has helped me feel a little better about it by liking one of my songs so much he leaked it on his soundcloud. but no matter how many people tell me how great my work is and how much they like it there will always be a little asshole voice in my head telling me they're just saying that to make me feel good about it and that it's still not good enough.
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